It's Okay
by sammygirl17
Summary: What was going through Sam's head during his death at Cold Oak? Where did he end up after he died? 1shot exploring what I think his thoughts and feelings were during the last few scenes of 'All Hell Breaks Loose: Part one' 2 21 hurt!sam


**Hey guys! So I know I haven't written anything in a while. I've been super busy and there was a lot of crap going on in my life, I just didn't have the time. Anyway, I wrote this story a little over a year ago! It not great, but I went through it, edited it, and decided to post it anyway.**

 **So here we go!**

 **It's Okay**

Jake is just scared, that's what it is. He is just terrified of the yellow eyed demon and honestly, I can't blame him. Hell, I'm kind of scared of the bastard myself and I've known about him for a while now. He is so sure that if he doesn't kill me that the demon will kill him, he could be right of cores, but I have to convince him the killing me is not the answer, that we can work together and kill this evil son of a bitch.

"Sam he's not letting us go. Don't you get it? Only one of us is coming out of here alive! If we don't play along he'll kill us both" Jake said, there was fear in his voice, not anger. He sighs before continuing.

"Now I-I like you man, I do, but do the maths here, what good does it do for both of us to die? I can get out of here and kill that bastard for all of us." Damn this guy has no idea what he's talking about, he can't take this demon on by himself, he is not strong or knowledgeable enough.

"You come with me and we'll kill him together" I say. I know we can do it, if we work together we can take yellow eyes down, this guy just has to trust me.

"How do I know you won't turn on me" he replied. It's a good point I guess, but I would rather die then do what yellow eyes wants, I will not give him that satisfaction. I just have to ensure Jake doesn't either.

"I won't" and I mean it, I would never do that.

"I don't know that" he replies sceptically. And I guess he doesn't know it, but who would he rather trust, me or a demon? Come on Jake, make the right choice.

"Okay, look" I take the knife, my weapon, out of the inside of my shirt and place it on the ground. It's almost like a peace offering, I'm just trying to show him that I'm not dangerous and that he can trust me. God, I just need him to trust me so we can do this together, I really don't want to hurt him.

"Just come with me Jake, don't do this, don't play into what it wants" and Jake finally lets down his weapon. That was close, I thought I wasn't going to be able to convince him for a second, but this is good, this means we can finally work together and take down this monster that's destroyed our lives. He slowly gets up off the ground with his hands in the air and I am so fricking grateful right now. There is no was ill be able to fight off a guy with supernatural strength like his, its practically impossible.

His punch came and out nowhere and the next thing I know I'm flying in the air, across the fence and landing straight on the ground. Man I thought I was able to convince him, I really thought that for a second there we had a shot. I guess not and it looks like I'm going to have to do the impossible.

He steps towards me and I look straight into his eyes. He doesn't want to do this, I can tell, I've been in his position before, having to hurt someone because you think it's the right thing to do but dammit Jake, I'm not the bad guy here.

He goes in for the kick and I fight back, there is no way I'm going down without a fight, even if the odds are against me, I have had to fight against the odds my whole life. He hits me on the shoulder and damn it hurt! Probably dislocated. For a moment I let myself imagine Dean, what he would do. Dean would never stop fighting, so I can't stop fighting either, I have to keep going for Dean, I have to fight until he gets here. I have faith that he will find me, he always does. More kicks and punches come from every direction and I feel like my whole body is burning, aching for me to give up. No fricking way! I pull myself back off the ground and keep going. That's what Winchesters do. With one final surge of adrenaline I kick him in the stomach and he is sent flying across the fence and is out for the count. I look down at the weapons, contemplating what to do. This is the moment I decide which side I'm on, what kind of person I'm going to be. To kill or not to kill. I pick up the metal rod and as I see the signs of him waking up I hit swing to rod and he is out for the count once again.

I should kill him right now, I really should, but for some reason I just can't bring myself to do it. He isn't evil, he just got thrown into this life he didn't want, forced to live with powers he didn't ask for. I have to believe that he is not evil, because if I let myself for a moment think that he could be, then I have to consider that i could be evil too. That dad was right and I'm better off dead. So I won't kill him, ill spare this man, but not for his sake. I won't give into what the demon what it wants. He wants one last solider standing, his final chosen once. Well, too bad, two of us are coming out alive tonight.

"Sam!" I hear Dean voice call out from a distance and I swear It's the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. Dean. He finally came, I knew he would, he always does, but I was starting to doubt just a little that maybe, just maybe, he won't find me this time. But he did, I can hear him as I start walking towards the voice. I see him and Bobby walking towards me and I have never been this happy to see my brother. God it feels like I haven't seen them in years and all I want to do right now is run towards them and hug them, damn the chick flick moment! If only my shoulder didn't hurt so damn much.

"Sam" he sounds so relived and hell if I feel it too, this day has been way too much.

"Dean" I'm walking towards him, just want to get to them so we can get out of this hell whole and back to the real world. I see Deans eyes fill with fear and I wonder what happened to put that look on his face, he does not scare easily.

"Sam, look out!" he screams and that's when I feel it, the white hot pain right in the centre of my spine. The whole world stops for a second and I feel like him just floating in pain. Dean starts to run towards me as Jake pulls out the blade from my back.

"Noooooo" Dean is almost here, he'll make everything better. I sink to my knees in the muddy ground, I can feel bits of mud splash onto my pants and the feeling the sogginess in my shoes. I can sense myself swaying so I close my eyes for a minute, willing the pain and dizziness to go away, they don't.

My breaths are heavy as I look up at the sky. it's a beautiful sight really, you can see all of the stars in the sky since we are so far away from civilisation. I can't feel anything anymore, that pain is gone, and though I'm thankful, I know exactly what that means…. I'm going to die here. I don't think it's a bad place to die really, we are out in nature, the weather is nice, and Dean will be here any moment, if I can die with Dean by my side, then I'll be happy.

My body continues to lose its strength and I feel like I'm falling, maybe I am but there are strong hands grasping my shirt. Dean's hands.

"Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam hey" I want to reply, there is so much I need to tell him, so many things left unsaid between us, but the more I try to move my mouth, the more it protests and no sounds comes out, when did I forget how to speak?

"Come here, come here, let me look at you" his rough voice says, I can't tell the emotion in it, sadness? Fear? Anger? I wish it was happiness. Dean didn't laugh much, it would be nice to hear him laugh again before I die, but with the circumstances, I have a feeling that's not going to happen. I can feel his hands touch my back, right where the pain should be, but I don't feel the agony. Just plain, simple numbness. He is moving me, shanking me, trying to get me to look at him, I want to, but for some reason my head won't stay upright and my eyes can't focus.

"Hey look, look at me, it's not even that bad, it's not even that bad alright, Sammy?" Dean's lying to himself; we both know I'm going to die. There is no stopping it now, it's too late, but it's okay, all I want is him here with me, in this moment. I want to know that he will be safe after I'm gone, that he won't do anything stupid, that he'll move on. The first thing is giving me, the second, I'm not so sure he can.

"Sam!" I'm looking into his eyes, but I can't seem to really focus on them. I'm slowly loosing this battle with unconsciousness and as soon as I loose, I know won't be waking up again. I just I could tell Dean that's its okay, that I love him, that I've always loved him and death won't change that. I want to tell him to go on and find a life without me, that I want him to be happy. However my lips won't move and my mouth won't make sound and dammit this is so frustrating.

"Hey, listen to me, were gonna patch you up okay, you'll be as good a new, huh? I'm gonna take care of you, I'm going to take care of you, I gotcha huh, it's my job right, watch out for my pain in the ass little brother….. Sam!" and then I can't hear him anymore, it feels like I am under water, all of the sounds around me are muffled and I can't open my eyes. This is it, It's happening, this is what death feels like. Everything is white around me, it's much more peaceful then I expected death to be, there is no pain, no suffering, just nothingness. Maybe this is heaven?

"Sam?" there is a feminine voice behind me. I recognise it, it's like I've heard it before but I can't quite put my finger on it. I turn around and my mouth drops once my eyes fall upon her. Jess. She is as beautiful as i remember her, with a deep blue eyes and long, flowy blond hair. She's dressed in all white and is walking towards me. I haven't see her since she was burning on the ceiling in our bedroom, like my mom all those years ago. She looks better now, happy, and now I'm sure this is my heaven. Her footsteps don't make a sound on the ground, it's almost like she is just floating towards me, yet I can't seem to move.

"Sam, I kind of wished I wouldn't get to see you for another few years, it wasn't your time yet. You're not supposed to be here." A single tear sides down her cheek and she wipes it away, she is beautiful even when she cries.

"Jess, I'm so sorry" she hugs me then. God I missed her touch, her smell, the way she felt against my skin. I can't hold back any longer as I start to cry too. I never cried in front of her in Stanford, I wonder what she's thinking, is she disappointed in the person I've become? Angry that I let her die? Or just upset that I'm dead?

"It's okay baby, were together now, you're in a better place" she smiles.

I can't help but believe her.

I'm okay

She's okay

Were okay.

The only thing holding me back from embracing this moment is the question….

Will Dean be okay?

 **Did you like it? I know it's not one of my best but I really wanted to post it anyway.**

 **If you liked it, there is plenty more where that came from, so go check out some of my other stuff ;)**

 **If you have a second please please post a review! They truly make my day!**

 **Till next time**

 **-Mika xxx**


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